is she home yet?

Yaaaawwwnnn.

I am so sleepy. I think its about time for my mommy to get home. She has abandoned me once again. Every day is just the same...she wakes up, sits on my water dish for half and hour, gets in the people-washer, brushes her teeth, turns on that noisy hot-air-blower, and eats from the forbidden fridge. Then my favorite part - she takes me on a walk!

Lately my walks have been sub-par because she's been sleeping in. I've tried to wake her up with constant licking and scratching noises, but she only groans and slaps the buzzing clock. She's not her best in the morning. Most of the time when she won't wake, I coerce the cat into knocking something fragile off the kitchen counter or ripping up one of the bills that mommy left laying on the counter. Zoey, the cat, will do it but I have to pay a price. Usually I have to let her lay in the sunny spot in mommy's room or let her sharpen her claws on my tail. But its worth it if it gets mommy out of bed. Then we go around the block, instead of the old poop and run routine.

It was raining this morning when mommy and I went out. She kept saying that I needed to hurry because the rain wasn't good for her hair. She's so fussy sometimes. If only people knew that she walked around in her ratty sweatpants with her hair up in an oily poinytail and a nappy red headband. My mommy is always beautiful to me but even I know that's not a great image.

I wish mommy would hurry home. I feel the need to pee. Mommy was upset last night because she was talking on the phone to that loser, my ex-daddy Josh. Mommy used to make me call him Daddy but I hated it. Josh and I had fun for awhile but I knew deep down he wasn't right for my mommy. He didn't treat her the way she needs to be treated. Oh, he did the flowers and the cards and the calls to say I love you. But it was the bigger picture, it was the respect and the honesty that he forgot about. Those things mean more to my mommy than a voicemail to say I love you, and that's why she and I are such a happy duo. We are both creatures of loyalty and nothing will come between us. Especially a loser who didn't want me in the first place!! Grrr...

Now I'm not an aggressive dog but I don't like when people mistreat my mommy.

Oh, boohoo where is she? I love to talk and bark and I know I can't do that until she gets home. The grumpy old lady who lives near us says I am a nuisance. Well, grumpy old ladies are a nuisance to me, too.

I want a cookie. Is she home yet?