Just Pucking Perfect

Welcome to my world. I'm Puck, the world's most loveable mutt. I'm old, I'm smelly, and I'm my mommy's biggest fan. She's young, sexy, and obviously bored. Won't you read along as my life unfolds...my fabulous, fabulous life as a dog...

Friday, March 30, 2007

2007...bad start, badass improvements

Well, my mommy has had an interesting year, thus far. I mean, okay, so maybe it didn't start out to great. I know that people talk about ringing in the New Years and having a super-crazy-monster-blowout (I heard that talk through the window from our annoying frat boy neighbors). I know that sometimes people want that perfect New Years kiss. I know that some assholes like to set off fireworks starting at 8 pm and ending at 3 am.

But Mommy...well, she feel asleep around 11 that night and when the fireworks woke her up, she couldn't figure out why people were setting them off. Now, I hate fireworks. Hence the asshole comment earlier. I mean, honestly, I don't know what they are or how they work but the noise just sends shivers down my spine - which is already ridden with arth-freaking-rightis. So, when they unnecessary noise began around 11:30, Mommy crawled on the floor to cuddle with me. She said, "It's ok baby, just some local idiots...setting off fireworks on a Monday night...hey, it's Monday night! Why are they setting off fireworks?? What the fuck?!!"

Then, through the window we hear:


"2007 FUCK YEAH!!"



So, then Mommy look at me and says, "Oh."

I immediately start to worry. I have seen that look on her face before. That, look that says that all her mind is thinking is "don't cry, don't cry, this is not something to cry about, don't cry." But, as quickly as the sound of someone retching in the bushes came floating through the glass, the look disappeared from my Mommy's beautiful face.

And she started laughing.


If you thought I was worried before - that was nothing compared to this. This is it, I thought, my emotionally charged hormonal and also quite sexy master has flipped her freaking lid!

But, it turns out, I had no need to worry. Quickly, Mommy grabbed the phone and called Auntie Hilary. "Can you believe I forgot it was New Years?" she cackled. "Holy shit! I really have no life!" She continued to laugh, but not in the "and now I am going to enjoy hacking you to bits" kind of way, but more in the "oh what the hell, I give up" kind of way.

(Just like the time Mommy's family abandoned her on Christmas Eve and locked her out of the house while she was taking me on a poop run. But that's another blog.)

So, that was our start to 2007. Ok, a bit pathetic, but we've rebounded nicely. Maybe a crazy teenage-esqe boy moment or two, but overall, Mommy is ten times happier than she was at this time last year. She has decided to work hard at finding comedy in everything that could otherwise make her sad. She has awesome friends - some in town, nonetheless, hobbies (she signed up for beach volleyball, I hope she added extra coverage on her health insurace), and work is ten times better now that a certain ex-uncle of mine has left for good (ptfo, you jerk). Also, this guy from her book club took her out twice. She doesn't come home smelling like him, which is good for me but maybe not so good for Mommy. She seems pleased though, and told me, "Only patience brings the worthwhile rain to the Sahara" whatever that means.

After moving to Jacksonville almost three years ago, Mommy finally feels like she is home. I dig it!


Thursday, March 08, 2007


This is me and Mommy...
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This is Zoey on Christmas
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This is ME on Christmas
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We are a happy bunch! WOOF!


Oh, man. Mommy is sick. Sick with the flu sick. Sick like a dog sick. Sick. And it is gross!

All night long, with the coughing and the hacking and the sneezing and snooting. Hack hack hack - cough cough cough - she sounds like Mikhail Gorbachev! Ok, maybe not, but I could not resist making that rhyme.

It is kind of sad, in a way. I mean...she just looks at me and says, "Soup? Chicken soup?" and I don't know what to do to help. I don't even really know what soup is, let alone how to get some or give it to her. I think in some way, my Mommy doesn't like to be alone when she is sick. She thinks she wants someone else around - someone who would go to the store and buy ginger ale, or put butter on her crackers, someone to scratch her head or bring her clean socks.

But what Mommy doesn't know is - she may think that is what she wants, but in reality - she is an all out grump when she is sick. The last thing she needs right now is someone to be in her face and asking her what she needs because she would snap him like a twig.

So it is good that Mommy just has me, that Mommy always has me. I don't mind the moaning, the groaning, the hacking and the sneezing. I don't mind the pile of snotty tissues on the floor. I don't mind that she barely wobbles outside to let me pee. I don't mind that she falls asleep when it is dinner time and I am forced to sneak food out of Zoey's bowl.

Someone else might. But not me. Never me.

I love you, Mommy.


Sunday, March 04, 2007

My Goat Knows the Bowling Score - Hallelujah!

Well, Mommy said she survived the "fcat", whatever that is. Normally, I like cats. They usually come with some interesting smells, and if you sniff them up close, their fur gets all fluffy and they make this funny hissing sound. But this fcat sounds like the kind of cat that would take a swipe at your nose with its sharp and pointy claws. Must be related to Zoey.

Mommy also went on a date yesterday. Now, you know how I feel about my mommy going on these "dates" - gallivanting off to see him random guy and abandoning her one true love (i.e. ME) at home on a Saturday night. Actually, she met this dude in the afternoon. I don't think she was that impressed - she came home and said, "Don't worry buddy, this one ain't a keeper." Now, if you examine my past - I was once a mere pup, dropped off at a shelter on hot summer day, forced to fiercely wag my tail at every human that came through the door in the hopes they would fall in love with the oh-so-lovable-me that they would bypass all the other dogs and yell out "I'll take him!" - you'd think I'd feel some sympathy for this guy she so quickly rejected. HA! Mommy picked me because she is picky. In guys, she doesn't always have the best taste but in dogs, well, I may be biased but let's face it. So when she rejects some guy after one date, I only applaud her efforts to remain single until someone worth sniffing comes around.

On a positive note, Mommy was more disappointed that her date being a dud would give her little to write about, as opposed to the date being such a dud that she didn't want the guy to call again. In other non-dating news, Mommy has joined a beach volleyball team! It is her and her new friends Fay, Steph and Breanna. They will have make a team with two other guys (grr..why can't it be girls only?) and play some other teams. Granted, Mommy has never been much for team sports or athleticism as a whole, but she figures it will be a fun way to meet new people and try something new.

Not to sound like an ordinary doggy blogger - but the weather here is beautiful! Sixty-five degrees and sunny...this is how I like my days. A cool breeze, some fresh grass, a nice poop - life is good, my friends. Life is good.

Woof! I'm out.